He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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