I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
