flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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