Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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