If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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