I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
