This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
