he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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