worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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