I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
