Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
