just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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