he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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