I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize