doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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