im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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