Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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