Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
