I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
