You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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