they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
