I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
