you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
