You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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