hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
did you just send me my own nude
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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