Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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