let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
