I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry about my life...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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