He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
