i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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