when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
