please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
