I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
