just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
