So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
