Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
