Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
