she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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