he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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