The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
