Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
