Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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