Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
