Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
pray to the hookup gods
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize