About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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