I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm both gender and math confused
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
