I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
