Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
