So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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