does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize