and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
