maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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