my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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