if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize