Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
