are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
