can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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