I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the day after is always just damage control
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
