Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
