he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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