For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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