Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
