life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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