someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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