my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
