At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
