She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
