im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
