can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
