so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
