you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
