He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
