I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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