you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
