No awkward lesbian experiences without me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
