id be glad to
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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