your parents love me but you hate me
I look better un-naked...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
