Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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