I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
