if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
