Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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