im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
