great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
