im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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