Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
