whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
