She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize