i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
