my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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