I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
