I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize