her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
