I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You took a bar mat shot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
