I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
