hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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