Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
