I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
