whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
