please come you make the beer taste better
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
