I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
