According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
