Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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