why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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